I Want you to Want to hits different when you're a Therapist - Deep Dive (SEXLESS MARRIAGE)

Is your partner there, but not really there? That's the silence at the heart of a sexless marriage.

In this Deep Dive, Lottie and Elliot unpack why one partner withdraws physically, and why the other's attempts to reconnect keep missing the mark. Using the iconic "I want you to want to do the dishes" scene from The Break-Up, they reveal the hidden language of bids for connection — and what happens when those bids go unanswered.

📖 FREE RESOURCES: https://theparadoxofchange.com

📖 Go Deeper — Free Articles from our Therapists:

🔗 Understanding Bids for Connection (the core concept of this episode)

👉 https://theparadoxofchange.com/Article?id=69d6cb282675237d9ced8c5a

🔗 Attachment Styles — why your past is showing up in your relationship

👉 https://theparadoxofchange.com/Article?id=69db77df496143a1f3539831

🔗 Family of Origin Work — how your childhood shapes how you love

👉 https://theparadoxofchange.com/Article?id=69d6cb282675237d9ced8c5b

🔗 Love Languages — finding how your partner actually receives love

👉 https://theparadoxofchange.com/Article?id=69d6cb282675237d9ced8c59

Key topics:

* How bids for connection reveal underlying needs and misunderstandings

* Different attachment styles and their influence on relationship behaviour

* The role of emotional and mental load in relationship strain

* The 50/50 myth — and what Brené Brown says actually works

* Strategies for healthy, empathetic communication through the 3 A's (Attitude, Aggression, Agenda)

* The importance of understanding family of origin and how it shapes adult love patterns

* Recognising when to seek therapy to recalibrate relationship patterns

* Practical ways to practice curiosity and empathy in daily interactions

* The impact of childhood experiences on adult relational behaviour

* How to handle conflicts regarding intimacy, chores, and expectations with love and respect

Timestamps:

00:00 - Exploring the significance of bids for connection and misinterpretations

02:20 - How couples often miss bids and the resulting tensions

04:02 - The importance of recognising both partner perspectives in conflicts

08:03 - Understanding emotional load and mental burden in relationships

11:09 - Family of origin and attachment styles shaping adult love

12:22 - Differentiating anxious and avoidant attachment behaviour’s

15:08 - How attachment styles adapt in relationships and the concept of limerence

17:37 - The power struggle and negotiation post-limerence stage

20:02 - The influence of childhood love experiences on adult behaviour’s

23:59 - Recognising shutdown, disorganised attachment, and emotional overwhelm

25:43 - Methods to build secure attachment and the role of therapy

30:21 - Practical communication tips: The three A's (Attitude, Aggression, Agenda)

35:20 - Speaking from love, empathy, and client-centered principles in conversations

37:02 - The significance of self-awareness and self-reflection in relationship dynamics

41:28 - Navigating sexless relationships and the importance of dialogue

44:21 - The impact of shared stories and shared energy in relationships

45:48 - Recognising patterns in long-term relationship struggles and cycles

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📢 If you've experienced infidelity or are working through trust issues, let us know your thoughts in the comments! ⬇️

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